This: “It seems clearer than ever to me that the ones I continue to grapple with are the ones you get from engaging in life, rather than checking out of it.” is a beautiful realization.
My no/s these days definitely involve saying no to events and gatherings that aren’t for me. I’m choosy with my time!
Gosh, right? It also a relief to know that some parts of life are just there no matter what.
I so hear you about saying no to events. The freedom in that feeling is so real. I often have to remind myself that I'm adult who can make these choices, ha!
"May 21st is a birthday for me. A date of choice." I love this. In the failed suicide attempt world, we refer to this as a "re-birthday." Blessings upon you.🙏
I have a friend who will just come out and say "no thanks, that's not my thing" when she's invited to something she doesn't want to go to. The first time I witnessed it, early in our friendship, I was shocked to my core. Like, you can just say that?? No made-up excuse about having other plans?? And no one's even mad??? As I've gotten older, I've learned that other people rarely care about our preferences or opinions as much as we think they do. It's okay to just say, "no thanks, that's not my thing." In fact, it can feel really good.
Haha that is amazing! I too have a friend like that and at first I was like I’m offended and very admiring of this assertiveness. The freedom in just saying what’s true for us. 😮💨
What a beautiful and tender exploration of sobriety. I love that you made it so much deeper than just saying no to drinking…that this sobriety revealed to you a deeper sense of self. I also am working on my “yes” and my “no” and am curious how saying no more often could bring more yes. 🙌🏻 🩷
I really like your point/storytelling about your no’s unlocking your yeses. That’s something I heard Robin Arzon 🙃 say but your articulation landed with me.
I’m 4 years sober and each one has felt like a decade of life lived and learned. The best! Congratulations to you. 🌟🌟🌟
She was on the Rich Roll podcast and it was “our no’s protect our yeses”. Episode #691 if you’re interested. 😉 & thank you! I am more proud of my sobriety than any of my other earthly achievements. 🏆
Congrats 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼I love that you described your year as “expansive.” Indeed!! I’m going on 13+ years and counting and the sky only continues to expand, dear friend. Keep going ❤️
Thank you, Chris! It’s lovely to know you’re also on this path with me. And I’ve been so loving diving into your work this week! Honest and so full of heart.
I can sense your lightness and joy in this ✨ so glad I stumbled here, and congratulations!
I personally haven’t made a quitting decision, but I’ve watched alcohol lose it’s relevance in my life, naturally, as other things that bring me closer to my true sense of self have taken place. I notice now, when I do have wine on a rare occasion, I think to myself “oh, this is why we don’t do this anymore”
All that to say, I can certainly appreciate the pivotal point of decision and the commitment to self, and also, appreciate the natural letting go of things that no longer serve. ✨
Wow. Your words and your experience has brought tears to my eyes. The term “relevance in my life” lands very deeply for me. Thank you for your kindness and for joining this conversation. 🖤
Love so many things in here Kaitlyn. As someone who hasn’t said the official “no” yet but feel it coming imminently, I’m so inspired by the assuredness that’s come with your decisions 🙌🏼
The chatting with people in an elevator… so relatable! Who am I?!! 😂 saying No to job last year opened up a lot of Yeses for me that I probably don’t do a good job of recognizing on a regular basis. Yeses like joining Substack, writing a weekly newsletter, joining a writing group, working on my book, meeting friends for lunch in the middle of the day, taking vacations without guilt or stress about stepping away from work, getting back into teaching yoga, making space for volunteer work I’m passionate about, sleeping in, daily walks, reading more… the list goes on!
Every time I authentically connect with someone in the elevator as soon as I exit, it's like I have a little "devil" on my shoulder that is like, "That was so disgusting. I can't believe you. You're one of those now." lolz.
So proud of you!!! Reading your words brought me joy. I love how you describe the awakening of the senses. I also find being sober has brought me to be much more in tune with my senses, physical and intuitive. Pure joy from the simple pleasures of life from all angles! It's a beautiful way to live.
Like you, sobriety was pivotal to my no-yes journey. It changed everything. And I find substance-free connection and joy in yoga, meditation, writing, and time in nature. Those sound clichéd, I know. But they fill my body-mind-spirit in ways alcohol never could.
Thank you, Dana! You've been such a beacon for me in this space. Given me opportunities to explore this part of myself even more deeply. I hear you about the things that bring that awakening being cliche. Almost all of mine are like that, too.
This: “It seems clearer than ever to me that the ones I continue to grapple with are the ones you get from engaging in life, rather than checking out of it.” is a beautiful realization.
My no/s these days definitely involve saying no to events and gatherings that aren’t for me. I’m choosy with my time!
Gosh, right? It also a relief to know that some parts of life are just there no matter what.
I so hear you about saying no to events. The freedom in that feeling is so real. I often have to remind myself that I'm adult who can make these choices, ha!
Congratulations, sobriety is no easy feat!
Thank you, Ashleigh. 🌻
"May 21st is a birthday for me. A date of choice." I love this. In the failed suicide attempt world, we refer to this as a "re-birthday." Blessings upon you.🙏
Re-birthday fits. Thank you for sharing that term.
Congratulations on one year! Very inspiring.
I have a friend who will just come out and say "no thanks, that's not my thing" when she's invited to something she doesn't want to go to. The first time I witnessed it, early in our friendship, I was shocked to my core. Like, you can just say that?? No made-up excuse about having other plans?? And no one's even mad??? As I've gotten older, I've learned that other people rarely care about our preferences or opinions as much as we think they do. It's okay to just say, "no thanks, that's not my thing." In fact, it can feel really good.
Thank you!!
Haha that is amazing! I too have a friend like that and at first I was like I’m offended and very admiring of this assertiveness. The freedom in just saying what’s true for us. 😮💨
What a beautiful and tender exploration of sobriety. I love that you made it so much deeper than just saying no to drinking…that this sobriety revealed to you a deeper sense of self. I also am working on my “yes” and my “no” and am curious how saying no more often could bring more yes. 🙌🏻 🩷
Thank you, Lindsey 🖤🖤 It’s wild how much I can see it everywhere now. I look forward to reading about your nos to yeses.
I also stopped drinking and joined a writing group, so I think you’re onto something here
🧐 I love this. Also just looked at your page. I love the title. I will be waiting with bated breathe for your first post. 🙏🏼
Sobriety+IFS=DIY alchemy ✨
I really like your point/storytelling about your no’s unlocking your yeses. That’s something I heard Robin Arzon 🙃 say but your articulation landed with me.
I’m 4 years sober and each one has felt like a decade of life lived and learned. The best! Congratulations to you. 🌟🌟🌟
DIY alchemy for sure!
I love that I have any overlap with Robin. She has gotten me to do some stuff I never thought I would/could.
Congrats on 4+ That is so incredible.
She was on the Rich Roll podcast and it was “our no’s protect our yeses”. Episode #691 if you’re interested. 😉 & thank you! I am more proud of my sobriety than any of my other earthly achievements. 🏆
I’ll definitely listen, thank you!
And honestly, same. I imagine that will only continue to feel very true. It feels like the thing everything else springs from.
Congrats 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼I love that you described your year as “expansive.” Indeed!! I’m going on 13+ years and counting and the sky only continues to expand, dear friend. Keep going ❤️
That’s incredible—congrats!! Thank you for sharing what it can look like even further down the road 🙏🏼
This is a beautiful essay. Sobriety has changed my life for the better in countless ways. I’m really happy that it seems to be doing the same for you.
Thank you, Chris! It’s lovely to know you’re also on this path with me. And I’ve been so loving diving into your work this week! Honest and so full of heart.
That’s so nice of you to say, Kaitlyn. It really means a lot. Thank you!
I can sense your lightness and joy in this ✨ so glad I stumbled here, and congratulations!
I personally haven’t made a quitting decision, but I’ve watched alcohol lose it’s relevance in my life, naturally, as other things that bring me closer to my true sense of self have taken place. I notice now, when I do have wine on a rare occasion, I think to myself “oh, this is why we don’t do this anymore”
All that to say, I can certainly appreciate the pivotal point of decision and the commitment to self, and also, appreciate the natural letting go of things that no longer serve. ✨
Wow. Your words and your experience has brought tears to my eyes. The term “relevance in my life” lands very deeply for me. Thank you for your kindness and for joining this conversation. 🖤
I’m so glad 🩷 thank you for that reflection.
Love so many things in here Kaitlyn. As someone who hasn’t said the official “no” yet but feel it coming imminently, I’m so inspired by the assuredness that’s come with your decisions 🙌🏼
I love that way of putting it—that you can feel it coming. It was a similar experience for me, as well.
Such a privilege to be a witness to your journey and generous sharing of it all with the rest of us. ❤️❤️
That is very kind of you to say. Thank you, Petya. 💞
The chatting with people in an elevator… so relatable! Who am I?!! 😂 saying No to job last year opened up a lot of Yeses for me that I probably don’t do a good job of recognizing on a regular basis. Yeses like joining Substack, writing a weekly newsletter, joining a writing group, working on my book, meeting friends for lunch in the middle of the day, taking vacations without guilt or stress about stepping away from work, getting back into teaching yoga, making space for volunteer work I’m passionate about, sleeping in, daily walks, reading more… the list goes on!
oOoOO look at all those yeses!!
Every time I authentically connect with someone in the elevator as soon as I exit, it's like I have a little "devil" on my shoulder that is like, "That was so disgusting. I can't believe you. You're one of those now." lolz.
This right here: "I can wholeheartedly say I’ve never felt more connected with those in my life."
Oh, and this: "Saying a deeply felt no, helped me find my yeses. Scratch that. Maybe it’s more that sometimes saying no is actually saying yes."
🥹
Those are some of my favorite parts, too :) Thank you for reading.
So proud of you!!! Reading your words brought me joy. I love how you describe the awakening of the senses. I also find being sober has brought me to be much more in tune with my senses, physical and intuitive. Pure joy from the simple pleasures of life from all angles! It's a beautiful way to live.
Thank you, Kaitlyn. That feeling of really waking up--it's unlike anything else. Your support and company on this ride is so appreciated <3
Celebrating you and all your yeses, Kaitlyn! ❤️
Like you, sobriety was pivotal to my no-yes journey. It changed everything. And I find substance-free connection and joy in yoga, meditation, writing, and time in nature. Those sound clichéd, I know. But they fill my body-mind-spirit in ways alcohol never could.
I hope you celebrate doing things you love!
Thank you, Dana! You've been such a beacon for me in this space. Given me opportunities to explore this part of myself even more deeply. I hear you about the things that bring that awakening being cliche. Almost all of mine are like that, too.
❤️