maybe happy now

sometimes it's all a girl can handle...

Welcome to this tiny corner of the internet where an off-duty psychotherapist keeps the conversation going on how to make sense of this life thing we’re all doing. If you ever wondered what your therapist does off the clock—which, who among us hasn’t?—this is like that. Think of it as the adult equivalent of seeing your elementary school teacher at the grocery store picking out lemons. 🍋 I typically oscillate between long-form psychoeducation pieces and narrative essays—sometimes I smush them together. I also do a biweekly podcast with my husband, roundups and a segment of brisk thoughts on music, TV, and film.

One thing before we jump in, I show up very much as myself here. Myself first, and all my other labels are secondary. If a therapist speaking candidly feels like too much to your system, that is absolutely is OK and this may not be the best particular newsletter for you.

In the beginning of July I wrote about how unusually jam-packed the month was going to be for me. I committed to habits to help get me through. I did all the activities I signed up for, as well as all the behaviors aimed at protecting me from collapse. 

The month happened and, in a truly poetic turn, I ended the month with the worst cold I’ve had in years. 

I’m not surprised in the slightest, maybe a bit disappointed.  

This was a great reminder that it doesn’t matter how hard I try or all the good intentions to stay grounded, sometimes it’s just too much. I am a high maintenance, sensitive creature. A few weeks ago my creative spark was so dwindled that all I could summon the want to write were three paragraphs about being exhausted. I still feel that way. 

August is shaping up to be a similar level of demand and thus rest will be my priority—which some may say is maybe what I needed in the first place. Like your favorite network television show of yore, I’m going on a little summer hiatus.

I’ll leave you with this line from The Women¹ by Kristin Hannah,

“Maybe happy now, happy for a moment, is all we really get. Happy forever seems a shitload to ask in a world on fire.”

This hits on so many levels for me right now, but the thing I felt the most is not only is happy forever a lot to ask, it’s also exhausting. Maybe happy now feels like all I can handle. I don’t know what this says about my current state, but the idea of trying to make anything last indefinitely, even happiness, feels daunting.

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In the meantime, here are a few interviews I did from around the Substack universe over the last few weeks:

A Q&A about navigating the nuances of having a public newsletter where I talk about my life, including sobriety, while also being a therapist:

Do You Tell Clients You’re Sober?

A video interview with

Motherhood Minute

about self-compassion and the virtual Mental Health & Motherhood Conference coming up in October.²

Holding Space For Our Inner Child with Kaitlyn Topolweski

An interview about creativity:

Kaitlyn Elizabeth doesn't give a shit about being right

You can find more info and my full disclaimer on my about page here. Abridged version: I’m a therapist, but not your therapist—even if you are a client of mine ~hi, dear one!~ this isn’t a session. I don’t think you could possibly confuse this newsletter with mental health treatment. Alas if that were to happen, let me say definitively, dialoguing is an educational and informational newsletter only, not a substitute for mental health treatment.

Any comments, questions, suggestions, please feel free to email me at dialoguingsubstack@gmail.com—or if you’re reading this via email you can just hit reply and send me a message. Love hearing from you for any and all reasons!

1. Which I devoured in one 4.5 hour sitting last night.

2. Tickets for this conference are now on sale and begin at $25. You can get them here.

Thumbnail image: Photo by Ana Martin on Unsplash