"Let's Talk Therapy" with yours truly

a new interview series

Welcome to this tiny corner of the internet where an off-duty psychotherapist keeps the conversation going on how to make sense of this life thing we’re all doing. This week’s newsletter is the debut of a new interview series I’ve been teasing for awhile, “Let’s Talk Therapy.” Through these dozen or so questions, you will get a deeper sense of how therapy can look and feel. Like most things, transparency about the inside of an experience can do wonders in deepening our compassion and understanding for oneself and others. My sincerest wish is this series will help in normalizing the complex feelings that can arise through doing therapeutic work and empower us to utilize it more wholeheartedly. Also, if I’m honest, I hope to learn even more about the experience of being a client so that I can continue to be an increasingly attuned psychotherapist.

One thing before we jump in, I show up very much as myself here. Myself first, and all my other labels are secondary. If a therapist speaking candidly feels like too much to your system, that is absolutely is OK and this may not be the best particular newsletter for you.

Do you wonder if it’s “normal” to panic before therapy?

What am I going to talk about?

Shit! I haven’t reflected on what we explored in last session since…last session.

I’m so all over the place. I don’t even know where to start.

I really don’t want to cry today.

Are you curious if everyone else feels exhausted after? Or (gasp) what people are paying to see their therapist? Does anyone else feel awkward with their therapist? What do people do other than therapy to tend to their mental health?

My new interview series I’m offering here at dialoguing, called Let’s Talk Therapy, hopefully will satisfy those curiosities.

When I tell people I’m a therapist, they either back away slowly to find someone else to talk to —or—their eyes go wide with wonder.

It turns out a lot of us would like to be a fly on the wall of therapy. Look at the success of shows like The Sopranos, Shrinking or In Treatment. It’s something we want to know more about. Even I do. Therapy is my job. It’s where I spend a lot of the hours of my life and even I can’t dig into that stuff fast enough. Could it be that we are attracted to the idea of a soul laid bare? Watching, wondering, hoping, “Can we all do that?”

Tony and Dr. Melfi. One of the most quintessential therapeutic relationships on television (Photo: HBO)

As much as I love those shows, and I really do, I get a little shiver up my spine when I realize it’s one of the only models of therapy we have access to. Listen, Dr. Melfi does her best,¹ but if I was her supervisor we’d have a thing or two to chew on, to say the least. Things are certainly changing as there are TV shows and podcasts now depicting real sessions,² but even those are produced, edited and more about content than process.

Here, we will flip that: more process, less content.

Meaning, rather than getting into the details of every single thing one shares in therapy (although that is welcome if people choose to share), we explore questions like, what it feels like sitting in the waiting room; how do you regroup after you’ve just cried for an hour; how do you know if the therapeutic relationship is not going well?

There is an ol’ therapist adage that says, “Don’t ask your clients to do something you’re not willing to do yourself.” I guess that means I’m up first. What follows are my answers to the Let’s Talk Therapy questionnaire.

1. First things first: How are you feeling–in this very moment–about volunteering to talk about therapy and mental health?