27 Comments
User's avatar
Cindy Ojczyk's avatar

I am glued to the comment of being free when “right” with yourself! So powerful.

Kaitlyn Elizabeth's avatar

I'm so glad that jumped out to you, too. I keep coming back to it over and over. <3 Thank you for reading!!

Derm Views's avatar

Congrats on 3 years! Thank you for sharing your journey with all of us. Could very much relate to the hair never being about the hair, and the hyperindependent until the wheels fall off 🫠. Also shoutout to supine PT stretches, isn't it grand???

Kaitlyn Elizabeth's avatar

Thank you :) Maybe the hair, the hyper-independence and back issues are all related, ha!

Derm Views's avatar

Oof, probably 🫠😂

Elizabeth Heydary's avatar

Congratulations on 3 years! My husband and I watched all of Denzel’s movies for about 6 months in 2012 and I had forgotten how good Flight was until I read that piece. Thank you for sharing your journey.

Kaitlyn Elizabeth's avatar

Thank you, Elizabeth!!

SO FREAKING GOOD. He's always good, but this performance is just a masterpiece. He is one of those actors where if I stumble across something he's in, I lay the remote down. Especially at a hotel or something. Denzel has spoken and the decision is made.

Tricia Torley's avatar

This was so beautiful to read. Three years is amazing! I have had such a similar experience with attending meetings for my degree, and then feeling a bit of imposter syndrome when I wanted to go for me. I've gone to some of The Luckiest Club meetings and really did feel like I belonged in those rooms. Congratulations, and keep going <3

Kaitlyn Elizabeth's avatar

<3 This means a great deal to me to read. Impostor Syndrome is a great way to put it. I think a lot of what I'm noticing is, no surprise, cultural of the "us" versus "them" mentality we have about things. I'm realizing more and more, "No, no, it's all of us. Swimming in the same waters. Sometimes the water is clear and warm and we are floating and other times it's cold, dark, gray and choppy. But we all face it at some point."

(I just got my injection for my herniation so if any of this doesn't make sense, I blame that, haaha 🫣🫣)

Tricia Torley's avatar

I really hope it works for you! It took me two rounds for me but it was 100% a game changer in my quality of life.

Kaitlyn Elizabeth's avatar

Me too! My doctor mentioned I may need to do another round, too. I'll do anything at this point, as I'm sure you can relate to.

Christopher AF   🌀's avatar

Congratulations* on three years. I have just passed two. I read what you wrote and a tinge of sadness envelops me. There must be a pithy saying from AA on comparing... everyone seems so much more ... functional, even in their struggle. They seem to have glimpses, awared glimpses, of joy, of possibilities. Ach well. One foot in front of the other. Oh and the asterisk * ... I worry about the focus on milestones. I know, I know. I understand. And it is good to stop and become reacquainted with the topography of the landscape we have walked into, and look over our shoulder and seem the steepness of the climb, and the grayness of that past... still... and now I wonder if I should show the movie next weekend I work at the rehab....

Kaitlyn Elizabeth's avatar

Thank you for reading and sharing (and caveated congrats to you, too). I know what you mean about the milestones. I have a similar back and forth with the emphasis. I think the meetings are helping me see it's in the every day I need to be reflecting and appreciating.

and my gosh is this movie good. his performance is gutting.

Melissa's avatar

Congratulations on three years!! That's so wonderful. I've been sober about the same amount of time and one thing I noticed is that not having alcohol to numb me to discomfort meant that I had to confront and fix situations. I'm a lot truer to myself now, and this is an easier life. It sounds like you've had a similar experience. Here's to many, many more years for both of us!

Kaitlyn Elizabeth's avatar

Thank you, Melissa. This means so much to me... to hear how similar the waters are that we are swimming in. Many, many more years of truth to come <3

Caitlin's avatar

Three years!!! Cheers'ing my morning cup of joey to you!

"Disregard myself" is going to haunt me this week...in a good way. Thanks for sharing your journey, KT.

Kaitlyn Elizabeth's avatar

Thank you, love. I know how scared that joey is. I feel honored.

Also, I love to haunt you 👻👻👻👻👻👻

Kaitlyn Ramsay's avatar

THIS PART:

"The doubting thoughts still tickled in my brain, “I don’t need that much.”

And then quickly I heard inside, “The fuck you don’t.”

I can not tell one more lie."

girl. same.

Congratulations on the big 3!!!! I'm proud of you, mostly for going to a meeting(s) for you. I "did it backwards" too and only went to my first meeting after about 5 years I think. I just popped into one the other day and I know I could benefit from going more regularly. Thank you for this post (and inspiration) and for the mention!! I'm feeling so grateful to be surrounded by so many amazing, sober folks like you.

Kaitlyn Elizabeth's avatar

haha, I'm so glad you relate to the cheeky response I heard inside...and I *really* appreciate you naming you didn't go until several years in. It's perhaps a weird thing to feel shame around, but I did/do.

Kaitlyn Ramsay's avatar

not weird at all!!! I had the exact same feelings before I went (and still do at times). I felt like a fraud, like I shouldn't be there, like I somehow hadn't "earned" it???, but I think the best thing about the meetings (the ones I've been to) is that they've been the most welcoming and non-judgemental people I've ever met. Sharing about it in the meetings help me too, and listening to shares makes me realise we all feel this way at times.

Kaitlyn Elizabeth's avatar

100% the most welcoming and least judgmental..and you're right, always leaving like "oh yeah, it's all of us feeling this in one way or another."

Allison Deraney's avatar

“While I rarely have the urge to drink alcohol anymore, I do have the compulsion to do what was underneath the drinking nearly every day: disregard myself.”

Girl - those words could be mine. And it is that, what sometimes feels like automatic disregard of my insides, that keeps me in a sober community like TLC.

I’m five years in and I still unequivocally know that I need the maintenance. And I want it, too. I don’t ever want to forget what it took to get here. Sure I don’t want to drink at all, zero urges, but all that other stuff. That is the practice. Learning to pick that up. Not sweep it away. And I don’t want to do it alone.

Congrats on 3 years, Kaitlyn! I’ve admired your sobriety from the start. How authentic you always are - sharing what is real.

It’s the daily task, just like Whip said, of being right with ourselves.

🫶✨

Kaitlyn Elizabeth's avatar

Maintenance is a great word. That is the exactly what it feels like for me...and you know what, the maintenance feels good to tend to.

<3 I know I say this all the time, but I'm truly grateful to know you.

Allison Deraney's avatar

Yes, maintenance in a good way. Like the same way we care for our bodies with movement. I never want to get complacent with my sobriety.

And the feelings are mutual girl!

Dr. Dana Leigh Lyons, DTCM's avatar

Congrats on 3 years, Kaitlyn! Thanks so much for the mention - I’m so grateful for the Substack sober community. Wishing you a beautiful, connected next stretch of this journey.

Kaitlyn Elizabeth's avatar

Thank you!! You have been such a big part of creating this community in this space and for me personally in writing so openly about it. I appreciate you <3