Flirting with Dry January?

Some considerations and my favorite NA bevies if you dive in.

Welcome to this tiny corner of the internet where an off-duty psychotherapist keeps the conversation going on how to make sense of this life thing we’re all doing. If you ever wondered what your therapist does off the clock—which, who among us hasn’t?—this is like that. Think of it as the adult equivalent of seeing your elementary school teacher at the grocery store picking out lemons. 🍋 Today’s little ditty is for those curious about Dry January. If that ain’t you, feel free to skip this one <3

One thing before we jump in, I show up very much as myself here. Myself first, and all my other labels are secondary. If a therapist speaking candidly feels like too much to your system, that is absolutely is OK and this may not be the best particular newsletter for you.

I’ve been sober since May 2023, but that is just one part of my story toward sobriety. Prior to making that life-altering choice, I made one zillion other decisions which included a few dances with going dry in January. Had I not had those longer stretches sans booze, including my perinatal experience, I wouldn’t have had faith that a sober life could be for me.

These stretches gave me a glimpse of what my body, mood, and energy levels would feel like over time without alcohol. I grew to understand and acclimate to the more natural rhythms of my body–boosts of aliveness and periods of stillness. Learning when I organically rise, when I have the most vitality during the day and when I’m ready for rest. I began to feel into my body more—what it is capable of and what it needs to recover. A relationship with myself deepening.

Whether you’ve wondered if you should cut alcohol out of your life permanently or you just need a break, Dry January could have it’s benefits for most people—better sleep, more energy, less anxiety, immune system support.¹ That being said, BIG CAVEAT, it is NOT recommend for anyone considered a heavy drinker² due to withdrawal symptoms that can be incredibly dangerous, even fatal. In those situations, consulting with a medical professional is the best first step in order to help move toward an alcohol-free life safely.

Reflection Points

What follows are some of the considerations I’ve compiled from my own experience of staying curious about my relationship with alcohol. Ways of going easy and staying attuned.

Stages of Change

First up is a framework around how change typically happens: The Transtheoretical Model (or as it’s more often known as, the Stages of Change model). I find this way of looking at things essential to keep in mind whenever any desired behavior change is on the table.

The stages *typically* go:

• Pre-contemplation: Here, as the name suggests, we aren’t thinking anything is a problem. Some may call this denial-esque.

• Contemplation: Now we are starting to wonder if something isn’t working for us anymore. Pros/Cons, hurdles and hopes begin to be assessed.

• Preparation: Getting our asses in gear (e.g., What do we need to be successful at whatever our goal is?); Here we may start to make little changes to see how we feel about committing to the next step of action.

These first three stages are often overlooked and downplayed as lack of progress. Twidlin’ our thumbs and whatnot. Au contraire. They are often quite vital in the sticking of any habit.

For the IFS therapist in me, this makes all the sense in the world. The parts of us worried about making change need to be heard out (e.g., Will I be any fun if I stop drinking, even for a month? What will I do socially? What will I drink instead? What if I feel anxious? What if I like the feeling of sobriety so much I want to stop entirely? What then?)

• Action: This is where we are full-on engaging in the behaviors we agreed to.

• Maintenance: Now we explore what we need to do to stay successful in our new habit?

• Relapse: With any kind of behavior change, relapse is often a part of the cycle. If we can, this is an opportunity to engage in further reflection–What led to this relapse? What kind of additional support did I need?

image source: A Change for the Better

Observing Like I’m New Here

It’s nice to know ourselves—to feel like we know everything there is to know about how we work.

“I could never be sober. That just wouldn’t work for me.”

“I’d be miserable if I didn’t drink.”

I get the allure of certainty. I really do. However, I personally would have missed so much about my own being if I didn’t stay open to the idea that there was more to learn about myself. Even if long-term sobriety isn’t for someone, there is always something to glean from observing ourselves—What comes up for me in this setting when I’m not drinking? Who do I feel the most comfortable with? How do I feel throughout the day without a nightcap or two?

I found the posture of curiosity and wondering to be very helpful during my dry stints. I literally acted like I was new to myself.

Easy Mode

Even if the extent to which one is wanting to explore life sans drinking is limited to the month of January, I can’t cosign enough going as easy as humanly possible on oneself in the planning.

I didn’t realize it until much later, but being around people and in settings where I could be the most myself was key in early sobriety. It allowed me to feel uncomfortable, anxious, nervous, self-conscious, and, let’s be honest, irritable, with people who I knew hoped loved me no matter what. Even better, I could say all the aforementioned feelings out loud. To my utter shock, more often than not, these loved ones would offer not ridicule and judgment, but rather awe and admiration, “It’s so awesome you’re doing this and being vulnerable with us.” I was surprised by how many people were curious about what I was doing. Some even wanted to try to cut back themselves for their own reasons.

Admittedly, I’m surrounded by amazing people but there were a few usual suspects who responded less open-heartedly… made it about themselves somehow. This will happen. Those people may be a part of your inner sanctum—no shade, we all got ‘em—but they don’t meet the specifications for “easy mode.”

Starting soft helped me build up confidence in myself—in who I am, what works for me, and how capable I am of asserting myself (e.g., “I don’t drink alcohol, but I’d love a soda water with lime.”)—through repetition. Later on, I challenged myself in new environments (e.g., weddings, holiday parties, meeting new friends). With each new thing, I do feel a little tender, requiring just a bit of patience, reassurance and breath. Which I’m more than happy to give myself.

Woody’s; Little Saints Ginger Mule; Easy Living Hop Water; Leitz Eins Zwei Zero Non-Alcoholic Rosé; Pathfinder; St. Agrestis’s Phony Negroni

The ritual of having a drink has not lost it’s appeal to me. I’m clearly not alone in that—NA drink sales continue to grow with each passing year.

Over the last two years I’ve done my fair share of exploring non-alcoholic (NA) options and have a few favorites. Now that I know what I like, it’s truly fun to plan ahead for what I might want for any particular occasion or to peruse menus before I go out to see what may be in store.

That being said, for some, drinking a beverage that is in many ways meant to mimic the taste, smell and experience of alcohol can be triggering. Not everyone can engage with NA beer, cocktails and wine and feel OK in their sobriety.³ As with most things, listening to how it feels for each person is the way to go.

Kait’s Recs

Pathfinder

A hemp-based⁴ non-alcoholic spirit—it’s giving apertivo. I typically have it with some lemon juice and a lemon spindrift. Other tonics or sparkling waters would work, too.

Little Saints Ginger Mule

I wasn’t a mule stan in my drinking days, but for some reason I love this mocktail so much. It has reishi mushrooms in it for a calming effect and it’s slightly sparkling to give it a nice mouth feel. Little Saints has other pre-canned mocktails–a paloma, negroni, spicy margarita, espresso martini⁵ and a spiced old fashioned–as well as a NA Mezcal-esque spirit, St. Ember, and a Gin-esque spirit, St. Juniper. Little Saints was recently featured on the season 16 premiere of Shark Tank.

St. Agrestis’s Phony Negroni

Hands-down the most authentic mocktail I’ve had. It smells just like a negroni and has the same mouth feel. This brand also has other mocktails that are really well done.

NA Beers

I’ve found most non-alcoholic beers are pretty spot on regarding taste. I personally like the NA offerings from Beck’s, Stella, Lagunitas IPNA, and anything from Athletic.

Hop Water

Denver is all about its beer which means there is about a 1:1 ratio of breweries to parks here. Unfortunately, not many have NA craft beer options yet–I’m holding out hope it’s only a matter of time. However, what I’m seeing with increasing frequency are hop waters, like the Hoppy Refresher from Lagunitas (I’ve seen this at Whole Foods, too) or Easy Living Hop Water from Denver Beer Co. It’s like a sparkling water with a little kick.

Sparkling Wine

I’ll be honest, most NA wine tastes like juice. I don’t even bother with non-sparkling offerings. However, there have been a few that measure up.

• Woody's Blanc de Blanc: a NA sparkling Chardonnay. Quite good.

• Leitz Eins Zwei Zero Non-Alcoholic Rose: This brand also has a sparkling Resiling, Chardonnay, Blanc de Blanc, and Pinot Noir. The Rose is my favorite of the ones I’ve tried. It comes in cans and bottles. I find the bottle has a better bubbliness factor if that means anything to you.

Last Thoughts:

I usually get Little Saints straight from their website and everything else–except NA beers which I easily find at the grocery store–through The Zero Proof’s website.

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More to Explore:

• Quit Like a Woman by

  Holly Whitaker
  : I think a book is a good companion to any moment, but especially in this type of moment. I think QLAW would be considered the queen of quit lit books, or maybe that’s just my opinion.

• I Am Sober: An app to help you set goals, mark your days and has a community component. This was the app I used in the beginning to stay connected to those who were around the same number of days/weeks/months as I was.

• Sober App Substack: A great community of writers sharing their experience toward and within sobriety. I’ve written two pieces for them: What Others Couldn’t See May Have Been The Truest Thing About Me and Do You Tell Clients You’re Sober?

• One-on-one support: If you determine you’d like some more personalized support, Psychology Today and Zencare can help you find an individual therapist.

• Sunnyside: If Dry January feels to rigid for you, this app can assist with alcohol moderation.

Questions for you:

1. Any Dry January takers out there—past or present? Either way, if you feel up for it, share some of your feelings about it? Parts you feel excited for? Worried about?

2. Any other NA favorites of yours I missed?

• Disclaiming. Therapy can be great. This ain’t therapy. You can find more info and my full disclaimer on my about page here. Abridged version: I’m a therapist, but not your therapist—even if you are a client of mine ~hi, dear one!~ this isn’t a session. I don’t think you could possibly confuse this newsletter with mental health treatment. Alas if that were to happen, let me say definitively, dialoguing is an entertainment and informational newsletter only, not a substitute for mental health treatment.

• Come say hi! Any comments, questions, suggestions, please feel free to email me at dialoguingsubstack@gmail.com—or if you’re reading this via email you can just hit reply and send me a message. Love hearing from you for any and all reasons! If you DM me, please say something more than “Hi.” I always assume those are bots and will not reply.

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ICYMI:

• The Problem(s) with Resolutions

• What is Spiritual Bypassing—and—How It Can Cause Us to Miss Ourselves and Each Other

1. What Is Dry January—And What Are The Health Benefits? Experts Weigh In by Sabrina Talbert and Andi Breitowich for Women’s Health Magazine

2. According to the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, heavy drinking is considered for women as 4 or more drinks on any day or 8 or more per week, and for men as 5 or more drinks on any day or 15 or more per week

3. For those with an alcohol problem, are non-alcoholic beverages a wise choice? by Rachel Tompa for Standford Medcine

4. According to The Pathfinder’s FAQ, despite hemp being an ingredient there is “no presence of cannabinoids.”

5. Admittedly did not love this one.