This is really fun!! Re: Harry’s neuroses, those were Rob Reiner’s (as well as his Castle Rock co-producer Andy Sheinman). Andy was a perpetual bachelor and casually sexist (he didn’t think women were funny until he met Nora). But Rob had a strong mother and loved women. He just couldn’t figure out to have a relationship after his divorce from Penny Marshall. Rob was also depressed but very funny about it. Nora said he loved being depressed. She interviewed him like the journalist that she was and based Harry Burns on Rob. The movie was initially going to end with Harry and Sally parting ways — however, Rob met Michele Singer (his future wife) on the set in NYC and changed the ending to a happy one. If Rob hadn’t met Michele, I’m not sure the movie would endure as it has. In the ‘80s, a lot of couples were divorcing — I think audiences really connected with Harry’s post-Helen despair. WHMS gave people hope, like all the great romcoms do. But it stands apart because of its unabashed sadness. A lot of romcoms these days are afraid to be sad. But Reiner was very in touch with his emotions and generous in sharing them. He was/is such a gift to cinema.
I know our parents took us to both Sleepless and Seattle and You’ve Got Mail in the theater. I think we watched When Harry Met Sally on TBS when we were about 11. My first boyfriend Harry mentioned it to me the summer after 7th grade because my first name is Sally and I knew the movie pretty well. I also remember having this men and women can’t be friends idea in my head even in middle school. I always had a crush on all the boys I was friends with at that time! I remember watching a lot of movies as a family especially on Friday nights. Dinner and a Movie on TBS was a mainstay of many Fridays in the 90s! When my best friend stayed over in middle school, my parents were still sitting with us to watch movies a lot of the time and she liked a lot of the romcoms too.
My church camp relationship with my first boyfriend Harry had a few days of connection then complete separation and then reconnection a year later. With my HS boyfriend we initially connected when I was in 7th grade and he was in 8th for the all state band tryouts. We didn’t end up becoming friends until we were both in HS marching band together and I barely talked to him the year I was in 8th grade.
As I mentioned in my comment to Laura I recall Ashley Iaconetti having an online show on YouTube called The Story of Us that was modeled on the couple interviews and she and her now husband Jared did an episode to talk about how they finally got together after being “just friends” for years on Bachelor in Paradise.
Pacey has a line about high maintenance women in season 5 of Dawson’s Creek to Charlie as played by Chad Michael Murray where he says he would use the term high quality. I always liked that line.
I watched Remember the Titans on the phone with my friend. It was fun!
And I think Harry and Sally would be together, he was always able to make her laugh and I could see her soften towards him when they would fight. And he was good at apologizing, especially in that scene after they had bumped into Helen!
I loved this one, I haven’t watched this movie in a long time but it’s all still so familiar to me, may be time for a rewatch!
Loved reading this and it kind of makes me want to watch again but I just get so angry about the men and women can’t be friends schtick that still feels so prevalent in pop culture - I remember not long ago rolling my eyes at a morning show where they were debating this (as if there wasn’t really a debate it’s just a rule?) and I hate it so much. But at the same time I love a lot about the way Harry and Sally interact/tease/argue and having grown up in the 90s Meg Ryan is it.
I'm so glad you liked it! And I'm so with you about the schtick. I was getting actively frustrated while re-watching it--like heated. It's totally the wrong question...or perhaps I would say, for me, an uninteresting one. It's incredibly well-written, performed and directed considering that flaw (to me).
I briefly started talking to my ex boyfriend Rob again about a year after we dated in 2010. We had only dated about a month, and he had dumped me for another girl, but they had broken up by then. I wasn’t interested in actually dating again, but I was kind of bored that summer of 2011, so we texted a bit, and I dropped by his work and eventually he asked me to come over and bring him some string for a friendship bracelet (which seemed a very odd request for someone you had dated a year ago and had barely talked to until the summer, but I did take it over there). My co-counselor at summer camp encouraged me to ask him to kiss me since neither of us was seeing anyone at the time, and she said I should get something out of it if I drove over half an hour to see him on a random Saturday. He did agree to kiss me, and it was fine, but I don’t remember talking to him again at all really once I moved to start grad school (and shortly thereafter met my husband and fell very hard and fast for him).
I love the way you weave pop culture & psychology!! I was nodding along and laughing (and also wanting to throw Harry into traffic at multiple points). This type of writing is what makes Substack ridiculously FUN!!
Thank you, Traci <3 It is so fun--you're right! I was feeling a bit down and you are reminding me it is fun. I'm writing about TV and movies. That would have blown my highschooler self's mind.
My sister will have to correct me if I’m wrong, but I think we were regularly watching this movie in middle school. We watched a lot of teen shows at age 11, so our parents weren’t uncomfortable with us watching a certain degree of sexual content (my favorite movie in the 4th grade was Titanic, and I saw it in theaters multiple times).
Thank you for this deep dive! I can tell you worked really hard on it, and I will have to read it again later to get all the nuances.
I know we watched it on NYE 1999 when we were 12 and that wasn’t the first time we had seen it! I like watching it at New Year’s. I haven’t watched it recently but I remember it being a big part of everyone knowing Ashley and Jared were getting together when he posted Harry’s speech at the end and The Story of Us. That was 2018!
This is really fun!! Re: Harry’s neuroses, those were Rob Reiner’s (as well as his Castle Rock co-producer Andy Sheinman). Andy was a perpetual bachelor and casually sexist (he didn’t think women were funny until he met Nora). But Rob had a strong mother and loved women. He just couldn’t figure out to have a relationship after his divorce from Penny Marshall. Rob was also depressed but very funny about it. Nora said he loved being depressed. She interviewed him like the journalist that she was and based Harry Burns on Rob. The movie was initially going to end with Harry and Sally parting ways — however, Rob met Michele Singer (his future wife) on the set in NYC and changed the ending to a happy one. If Rob hadn’t met Michele, I’m not sure the movie would endure as it has. In the ‘80s, a lot of couples were divorcing — I think audiences really connected with Harry’s post-Helen despair. WHMS gave people hope, like all the great romcoms do. But it stands apart because of its unabashed sadness. A lot of romcoms these days are afraid to be sad. But Reiner was very in touch with his emotions and generous in sharing them. He was/is such a gift to cinema.
Thank you for reading and sharing more on the background! You are quite right about ro-coms and sadness. GIVE US THE SADS!
and agreed about Rob <3
Of course! I wrote the first book about the making of When Harry Met Sally, dropping the link here: https://bookshop.org/p/books/i-ll-have-what-she-s-having-how-nora-ephron-s-three-iconic-films-saved-the-romantic-comedy-erin-carlson/d2d53d62211cdd08
🚨🚨🚨🚨 That is amazing. I'm going to add this to the post, too!
Thank you!!
❤️❤️❤️
I know our parents took us to both Sleepless and Seattle and You’ve Got Mail in the theater. I think we watched When Harry Met Sally on TBS when we were about 11. My first boyfriend Harry mentioned it to me the summer after 7th grade because my first name is Sally and I knew the movie pretty well. I also remember having this men and women can’t be friends idea in my head even in middle school. I always had a crush on all the boys I was friends with at that time! I remember watching a lot of movies as a family especially on Friday nights. Dinner and a Movie on TBS was a mainstay of many Fridays in the 90s! When my best friend stayed over in middle school, my parents were still sitting with us to watch movies a lot of the time and she liked a lot of the romcoms too.
My church camp relationship with my first boyfriend Harry had a few days of connection then complete separation and then reconnection a year later. With my HS boyfriend we initially connected when I was in 7th grade and he was in 8th for the all state band tryouts. We didn’t end up becoming friends until we were both in HS marching band together and I barely talked to him the year I was in 8th grade.
As I mentioned in my comment to Laura I recall Ashley Iaconetti having an online show on YouTube called The Story of Us that was modeled on the couple interviews and she and her now husband Jared did an episode to talk about how they finally got together after being “just friends” for years on Bachelor in Paradise.
Pacey has a line about high maintenance women in season 5 of Dawson’s Creek to Charlie as played by Chad Michael Murray where he says he would use the term high quality. I always liked that line.
I watched Remember the Titans on the phone with my friend. It was fun!
And I think Harry and Sally would be together, he was always able to make her laugh and I could see her soften towards him when they would fight. And he was good at apologizing, especially in that scene after they had bumped into Helen!
I loved this one, I haven’t watched this movie in a long time but it’s all still so familiar to me, may be time for a rewatch!
Processing the Harry and Sally connection for bc your first name!!
And you're very right about the apology after seeing Helen. It's the sweetest moment.
As someone who has watched it a lot in the last month, despite my frustrations with parts of it, I did love the experience of watching it.
I never went by my first name but I was named for my grandma so that’s why I have 4 names now!
Loved reading this and it kind of makes me want to watch again but I just get so angry about the men and women can’t be friends schtick that still feels so prevalent in pop culture - I remember not long ago rolling my eyes at a morning show where they were debating this (as if there wasn’t really a debate it’s just a rule?) and I hate it so much. But at the same time I love a lot about the way Harry and Sally interact/tease/argue and having grown up in the 90s Meg Ryan is it.
I'm so glad you liked it! And I'm so with you about the schtick. I was getting actively frustrated while re-watching it--like heated. It's totally the wrong question...or perhaps I would say, for me, an uninteresting one. It's incredibly well-written, performed and directed considering that flaw (to me).
I briefly started talking to my ex boyfriend Rob again about a year after we dated in 2010. We had only dated about a month, and he had dumped me for another girl, but they had broken up by then. I wasn’t interested in actually dating again, but I was kind of bored that summer of 2011, so we texted a bit, and I dropped by his work and eventually he asked me to come over and bring him some string for a friendship bracelet (which seemed a very odd request for someone you had dated a year ago and had barely talked to until the summer, but I did take it over there). My co-counselor at summer camp encouraged me to ask him to kiss me since neither of us was seeing anyone at the time, and she said I should get something out of it if I drove over half an hour to see him on a random Saturday. He did agree to kiss me, and it was fine, but I don’t remember talking to him again at all really once I moved to start grad school (and shortly thereafter met my husband and fell very hard and fast for him).
I love the way you weave pop culture & psychology!! I was nodding along and laughing (and also wanting to throw Harry into traffic at multiple points). This type of writing is what makes Substack ridiculously FUN!!
Thank you, Traci <3 It is so fun--you're right! I was feeling a bit down and you are reminding me it is fun. I'm writing about TV and movies. That would have blown my highschooler self's mind.
I love this for youuuuu!!!
My sister will have to correct me if I’m wrong, but I think we were regularly watching this movie in middle school. We watched a lot of teen shows at age 11, so our parents weren’t uncomfortable with us watching a certain degree of sexual content (my favorite movie in the 4th grade was Titanic, and I saw it in theaters multiple times).
Thank you for this deep dive! I can tell you worked really hard on it, and I will have to read it again later to get all the nuances.
Wow--OK so you two really grew up on this one!!! Thank you for reading and your kind words <3
I know we watched it on NYE 1999 when we were 12 and that wasn’t the first time we had seen it! I like watching it at New Year’s. I haven’t watched it recently but I remember it being a big part of everyone knowing Ashley and Jared were getting together when he posted Harry’s speech at the end and The Story of Us. That was 2018!