31 thoughts while watching 'The Family Stone' from an off-duty therapist

I didn't think it was possible from a movie I've seen this many times, but I came away with a whole new perspective.

This is a segment, dialoguing on dialogue, where I briskly explore a piece of media–TV, movies or music—with first thoughts. Inspired by Emma Specter’s column for Vogue where she narrates her thoughts as she watches a movie, movie trailer, or gets a first look of an upcoming movie. This is my take on that, weaving my personal reflections together with any therapeutic concepts I stumble upon along the way.

One thing before we jump in, I show up very much as myself here. Myself first, and all my other labels are secondary. If a therapist speaking candidly feels like too much to your system, that is absolutely is OK and this may not be the best particular newsletter for you.

We love getting fired up about what is and is not a holiday film.

Die Hard?

While You Were Sleeping?

Bridget Jones Diary?

Kiss, Kiss, Bang, Bang?

Little Women?

Sleepless in Seattle?

There is one I watch every year, come December, that some people would throw into this debate: The Family Stone.

Now, I wholeheartedly disagree because any movie with twinkly lights is a holiday film to me. I will, however, admit it’s not just a movie about the holidays. It’s about so much more than that.

This 2005 film starring, well…all the people, opens with us meeting a woman, while clearly formidable, also wound so tight she may spontaneously combust. She’s meeting her boyfriend’s family for the first time over Christmas at his parent’s house.¹ She quickly finds she doesn’t really fit, or maybe just not in the ways she thought she would and maybe fitting wasn’t the right objective in the first place.

It’s about the ways we pretend, the ways we miss one another, loss, the nuances of belonging, the tenderness of what it means to really love someone and I, for one, think it’s also about Christmas.

The Family Stone is warm and tense and chaotic and serene and familiar and awkward and joyful and heartbreaking. I mean, what is more Christmasy than that?

image credit: © 2005 Twentieth Century Fox

CAST

Sybil Stone played by Diane Keaton

Kelly Stone played be Craig T. Nelson

Everett Stone played by Dermot Mulroney

Meredith Morton played by Sarah Jessica Parker (SJP, respectfully)

Ben Stone played by Luke Wilson

Thad Stone played by Tyrone Giordano

Patrick Thomas played by Brian White

Susannah Stone Trousdale played by Elizabeth Reaser

Amy Stone played by Rachel McAdams

Julie Morton played by Claire Danes

Brad Stevenson played by Paul Schneider

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The first time I saw The Family Stone, it was in theaters with some friends. I believe it was the first evening of Christmas break. I was a Senior in high school. I remember trying to stifle my sobs so the guy I had a crush on wouldn’t hear or see me feeling deeply while he messed around with his buddies, not paying attention to the masterpiece in front of him.

So tragic. Him, not me.

While I always watch it at least once a season, it has become a tradition to also have a viewing with some of my girlfriends. Even as life has brought us to different places, we watch it together over Zoom on the years where our schedules allow. Needless to say, I know this film very well. I can quote most scenes top to bottom. That being said, watching it with my therapist hat on brought to light some things I’ve missed before.²

Let’s dive in. If you want to watch and read along, it’s currently streaming on Hulu and Prime. Here are some rapid fire thoughts as I watched The Family Stone for the millionth time:³