#17. "I look how I look."

Adam Driver serving us a forever line this week and with it an opportunity to talk about body neutrality.

dialoguing is a newsletter from an off-duty psychotherapist keeping the conversation going on how to make sense of this life thing we’re all doing. if you ever wondered what your therapist does off the clock—which, who among us hasn’t?—this is like that. think of it as the adult equivalent of seeing your elementary school teacher at the grocery store picking out lemons. 🍋

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Content Warning: Discussions around body image, pregnancy and postpartum…and it’s explicit, as always. 

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“I look how I look.”

Adam Driver’s reply to the assertion that he doesn’t look like a typical movie star in an interview with Chris Wallace* on Max last week. Wallace proceeds to asks Driver about his looks and seemed to be wondering how he feels about not being handsome, or at least not as handsome as Robert Redford.

I find this line of questioning deeply heinous in a myriad of ways. My responses include, but are not limited to, the following:

1.  Firstly, and kindly, f*ck off. 

Adam Driver for the uninitiated is an actor who has been in TV and film (e.g., Girls, BlacKkKlansman, Marriage Story, House of Gucci, Star Wars shit) for the last decade plus, nominated for 2 academy awards, and if you’re in the US, it’s likely he was on your TV two nights ago hosting SNL.

He also happens to be quite handsome by most standards of beauty (which we will get to those later, but even with these unrealistic standards, he is considered attractive). It’s absurd that in 2023, this man was asked multiple questions about his physical appearance (women have been subjected to this forever–also, unacceptable). 

There is even a whole bit on Last Week Tonight with John Oliver about Driver’s allure (see following supercut).

Oliver’s plea “shatter my knees, you fuckable redwood” lives forever rent free in my head, and also, get in line Oliver. 

There is a whole reddit thread titled, “Adam Driver being referred to as ‘ugly hot’ makes me wanna cry.” and then has pictures like this:

Photo credit: BURBERRY / MARIO SORRENTI

can we not?

Driver handles this situation with Wallace beautifully. He’s clearly ruffled and annoyed, maybe even hurt, but doesn’t fold. He answers a question about if his looks have been a hindrance like this, “A hindrance in only breaking mirrors wherever I go, and having a misshapen outsized body that I can't fit through doorways or most clothes or fit into most cars, so apart from that, it's good.”

Chef’s kiss. No notes. 

(2) Are we still doing this?