96 Thoughts This Therapist Had While Listening to THE TORTURED POETS DEPARTMENT for the First Time
The one who committed to writing about Taylor Swift's new album drop before she knew it was 31 songs đ«
Welcome to this tiny corner of the internet where an off-duty psychotherapist keeps the conversation going on how to make sense of this life thing weâre all doing. If you ever wondered what your therapist does off the clockâwhich, who among us hasnât?âthis is like that. Think of it as the adult equivalent of seeing your elementary school teacher at the grocery store picking out lemons. đ I typically oscillate between long-form psychoeducation pieces and narrative essaysâsometimes I smush them together. I also do a biweekly podcast with my husband & periodically do an advice-adjacent pieces and roundups.
Today Iâm debuting a segment, dialoguing on dialogue, where I briskly explore a piece of mediaâTV, movies or musicâwith first thoughts. Inspired by Emma Specterâs column for Vogue where she narrates her thoughts as she watches a movie, movie trailer, or gets a first look of upcoming movie. This is my take on that, weaving my personal reflections together with any therapeutic concepts I stumble upon along the way.
Note: If Taylor Swift isnât your jam, no worries. Please just skip this one. Donât yuck anyoneâs yum here. Lots of other content on dialoguing you can check out instead and/or other places on the internet you can go to trash the album if you so choose.
Despite what the title of this newsletter may signal to you, it turns out Iâm not as big a Swiftie as I thought. I had no idea Taylor Swiftâs new album, THE TORTURED POETS DEPARTMENT, dropped the night before the official release date. Instead, I found out about 30 minutes prior to my plans for being horizontal that it was dropping momentarily (Shout out to for alerting me to this news đđŒ).
I had a decision to make: Get some much needed sleep, wake up early, and let it ripâorâjust stay up. Even though I was moments away, literally watching the countdown on Spotify drift into seconds territory, I chose the latter. Honestly, I donât recognize this self-restraint.
I set an alarm for 5am. Early enough to fit an initial listen in before my son got up. Then, a few things happened. I had a very tossy turny night of sleep, so I snoozed my alarm and not long after, Archie woke up. With that went any chance of listening to it before the morning shuffle. When I saw it was a DOUBLE album (again 31 songs, what?!), I felt sort of relieved knowing even if I had woke up at 5, I still wouldnât have finished the album. My snoozing habit getting off with a warning this time.
Also, not a great morning to remember I didnât have a Spotify Premium account. This oversight meant I couldnât listen to the album in order which was not going to work for me. I decided to take the plunge,1 but then I fucked up trying to figure that out and spent 30 minutes with a chat bot.
Needless to say, by the time I was able to sit down and actually listen, I was at a fever pitch level of excitement.
Before we begin, a few disclaimers.
These are my initial thoughts. My response to certain songs can really shift and evolve over time. Iâve noticed this to be especially true with Taylorâs music. I find this to be a reflection how singularly she can capture a moment. Weâre not aiming for broad strokes. Itâs a snapshot of a feeling. Acute. Specific. Precise.
As I talked about last week on the podcast I do with my husband, the reason Iâve always been drawn to art like this is because growing up it was the only place where people said out loud what I suspected we all were feeling but refusing to name. Making the implicit, explicit. My first taste of therapy.
Also, this is very much not a dissertation. Iâm not going to break down every single therapeutic concept because (1) weâd be here all day and (2) where is the fun in that? These are my authentic reactions as they come. Some personal, some therapisty, and some just straight up fan girling. First come, first serve.Â
Mother is making me work here with a surprise double album, but if she did the work, so can I.
From Taylorâs post on X (I really donât know if I can call it that ) Twitter, âThe Tortured Poets Department. An anthology of new works that reflect events, opinions and sentiments from a fleeting and fatalistic moment in time - one that was both sensational and sorrowful in equal measure. This period of the authorâs life is now over, the chapter closed and boarded up. There is nothing to avenge, no scores to settle once wounds have healed. And upon further reflection, a good number of them turned out to be self-inflicted. This writer is of the firm belief that our tears become holy in the form of ink on a page. Once we have spoken our saddest story, we can be free of it. And then all thatâs left behind is the tortured poetry.â
Without further ado, here goes nothingâŠ
Keep reading with a 7-day free trial
Subscribe to dialoguing to keep reading this post and get 7 days of free access to the full post archives.